running out of time!

hi there! currently i am too busy with my non-stop assignments, revision, and some projects. i feel so suffocated when thinking about how time flies so quick and i feel like i never done things done. i know from this month onwards, my lecturers will keep giving us too many works until final exam comes by the end of the year. this week, i'm on my mid-semester break and i supposed to feel happy and enjoy my holiday at my hometown since i can meet my friend(s.. well i wish to meet most of them but most of them are not here at the moment.) thinking of projects, my heart and my mind are still left in my uni and i wish i can be there on wednesday but i'm very sad because dad just rejected my request to get back there by bus. i feel very sad and at the same time, i can feel the burden that i have to carry along with me even when i'm sleep. burden here may refer to projects! there are 5 more months before final exam! :( oh dear lord, please help me! let me be strong until all the projects done!

so many times yet don't know what to do

having a long holidays is actually good after spent about approximately 4 months never stop studying/ cracking my veins in my mind really hard just to achieve good grades and bring up my cgpa to 3 pointer (or at least it increased a bit. well it's better that never).

a month of break is more than enough if compared to 3 months of break. it's because i feel like i have "no life" within these relaxing months apart from seeing my high school best friends, helping mum doing home chores (i seldom do it and mum forces me to clean the house if possible every day but i don't do it always because i need a very good mood to do it hmm), strolling around the town with my parents on every weekends (i love it because it makes me happy to be around with my parents), surfing internet which i find it's quite bored me these days, watching tv, and yes, not to forget, reading some books before going back to college and proceed with 3rd year studies (it's kinda freaks me out!)

i expect that i'd spend my every day like going for a jog every morning/ evening at kps stadium which will not happened because no one is willingly to send me there (even my friends don't really like jogging outside). i always jog outside our house and sometimes when some kids or cars pass by our house out of the blue, i will find a place to hide myself. i feel so shy when they see me workout. my dad even asked me to jog around our neighborhood but i dislike it because whenever i start to jog (even slow jog), only big boobs girls will understand that feeling. pervert guys will take advantage to stare at your boobs without even blinking their eyes for second. i detest them!

my envious grows stronger towards some friends who are able to travel outside our country. how i wish i have enough money to travel and see the another part of the world. that's why i don't like to see my fb everyday because i will come across their happy moments which contained in some pictures and i just don't feel like to clicking the "like" button but eventually i"liked" all of them (not accidentally) because i don't want my friends to feel like i didn't saw it/ i saw it but i make don't know. whatever. someday i will travel around the world like them too! they might have spent their parents' money to pay their flight ticket, i assumed! oh god, forgive me for that sinful feeling!

i'd like to climb up the hill (i prefer serapi hill as it is near to my previous college and i had climbed it once with my classmates but i managed to stop until the waterfall and not continued it because my legs were already worn out! i felt no energy to continue journeyed until the top of the hill therefore i went down the hill with some mates and back to our college. at that time i didn't feel regret for not continuing my journey just like what some of mates did. maybe i wasn't really into it. now i feel so regret for unable to witness the beauty of kuching above the top of the hill. i could only watched some photos of kuching city above the top of the hill which taken by my hiking mates in the mobile phone.) and i even confide in Claudia and Lorrina about it and it seemed like no good respond from them. maybe they don't like that too! who am i to force my best friends to like what i like so much? 

within these three months i wish i have enough money in my bank account so that i could buy ingredients for my baking. i have found some interesting recipes in the internet few months ago such as homemade ice-cream, red velvet cookies, cheesecake and so on. several weeks ago, i helped mum in baking layer cakes but still i haven't feel contented because i also wanted to try out my recipes which i searched in internet. 

i also wish our fridge contains a lot, a lot of healthy foods such as fruits, green vegetables, lean meats, juice or whatever foods that are healthy. i love to eat fruits but mum seldom buy them because she said fruits are so expensive nowadays and she is too busy to walk down the wet market every morning just to purchase some fruits because her works demand her to stay in the office all the time. i don't want to trouble her. i feel like doing grocery shopping most mornings but no one is going to drive me all morning to the town ( and i always wake up late). my brother always feel so lazy to drive me there so our fridge end up with no healthy fruits. moreover i don't have money to buy them. 

i become "poor" after i spend hundreds of money purchasing some expensive food supplement products which introduced by my friend who is now my health coach. she said it is a good food supplement although it is expensive and can help me to lose weight (but exercise is a must thing to do every day) and so i bought it and tried out and my weight not drastically lose and sometimes i always have "cheat day" when i upset or happy and i feel it's okay to have "cheat day" a day without even realised that i always have "cheat day" in a week and then i feel so sad when gaining weight and i feel like i don't want to buy it again not because the product isn't good, it's actually a really good product as one of my friends in high school told me she consumed it for several months and religiously spend her time doing workout routine and she indeed made it and lost some pounds! in my opinion, i think to lose weight it requires determination, disciplines, commitment and target so that you can get ideal body weight. if you don't have these criteria you won''t also cannot make it. i said this because when i was in form 2, i also lost some pounds. i was a girl who once weighed 60+ kg and worked hard to gain perfect body (doing exercise daily, ate good healthy food every day and drank more than 8 glass of water every day) and at last i could do it! i lost 10+ of weight within 3 months. it was 50 kg that time then i rarely did some workout and i lose track and never get back to it and eventually now i'm almost 60+ kg again. i'm 58 kg now. i hope to lose at least 2 kg before i go back to college next september. i'm struggling to have 55 kg! if i could lose weight without consume any products so why not i must i rely on them to lose weight now?

alright. now what? 

just cannot wait to be in borneo highlands soon. it will a great adventure for me this year as i seldom go traveling around my state. oh yes, it's a free travelling as mum's office has this club which every year will held a vacation for family day to go somewhere and the journey will be paid using the club's fund. last time during my diploma years i joined them to union retreat in siar, lundu. we had a very exciting moments together living across to the beach. brought back all sweet memories with us and it was really a memorable day with mum's friends. all of them are good folks! really looking forward to it. 

i guess i need to stop here otherwise i'll never stop ranting about my life. let's call it a night. xx

August

Hi. It's been a while. Last night I had done reading Love, Rosie by Cecelia Ahern. I had spent most of my late nights reading it because I aimed to finish reading it within 2 days. Usually I'd spend like about a month to finish a book. It is because I always read few chapters (during night time) before dive into bed as during daytime, I just don't feel like reading at all. I guess it's a habit of mine. My mind can work better on night time, I presume. I find it is a must thing to do every night as I'd love to fill my mind with those scenes that I'd imagined in the book I read. Whenever I read I feel like I'm in my own world. I presume all the bookworms have the same feeling as mine. Tonight I grab one of the Cecelia Ahern's books from my bookshelves I had read on 2013 (I had wrote the date I started reading it in front of few pages) that is Thanks For The Memories. I wish to recall the story back! I wanted so bad to purchase some new books really soon after my ptptn credited into my bank account next month. Alright, enough with that. Now let's move on to another stories that occurred within August.

On last Monday night, August 17, Claudia and Lorinna set up a birthday surprise for me. I never thought they would bought me a piece of tiramisu cake and two cute minions cupcakes. In the evening, we dined in KFC, caught up on new times, took some friendship photos, laughed until our stomach ache, don't mind about others saw us being crazy and we even talked about old good times. I really love to keep in touch with my old best friends. I was so delighted that day. Not because of the surprise but I was delighted because they were with me on my birthday. My 24th birthday. Even if they didn't bought me a piece of cake or brought me a thoughtful presents, I don't mind at all. What more important is to be able spending my birthday with them. To be honest, it was my first birthday that we celebrated together in our town. I'm looking forward to Claudia's BBQ plan at her house at the end of this month with some of our best friends! Oh before I forget, I've received so many wishes from friends and I'd like to give all of you an enormous thank especially to Claudia and Lorinna for the simple but lovely surprise! I'm blessed to have them in my life. Thank you Lord!

This tiramisu cake was so EPIC! I never had melted tiramisu cake in my life hahaha thank you for this! :D It supposed to look good and a solid cake just like other cake. Hahaha this is so abnormal! Still, it was a good memory of us on my 24th birthday! 

Next...

Recently mum keeps updating us about family vacation/ gathering which is held by her office. It is going to take place in Borneo Highlands, Sarawak which is near to Padawan area. I never been there but my parents, yes! They joined the Anglican church committee in Padawan under Father Tony last time. I think it was this year before Gawai. I barely can remember it. I can tell you, even I never been there before but based on the beautiful photos of Borneo Highlands mum whatsapp me last time, it was a very nice place for a vacation in order to run away from the stressful work or noisy town as it has a breathtaking view of the highlands. Yes, we will go there at 5th of September this year and I don't lie when I say I'm too excited for it! Excited to take as many photos as I want! Looking forward for it.

xx

You need God in your life either you're happy or sad. You need Him to protect you, shelter you from bad things. I feel bad for always ignoring His call. It's been two nights since I last pray to Him asking Him to shelter me when I'm sleeping; asking Him to forgive all my wrong doings for the whole day and also for the stupid mistakes I had done few years ago. I wish to get rid of that thought or nightmare or maybe sweet bitter memories! The thought that always keep hunting my head.. sometimes I feel suffocated to think about it and I just wish God could forgive me..

I know He is a good one.. the one that I always rely on whenever I get sad or having problems. The one that always hear me talking in my heart.. The one that never leave me and never stop pouring His endless love on me.

Always put God first in everything. Seek Him and your life will be better from day to day. I believe that!

Kubu Alice

Last Wednesday's afternoon, Claudia, Terence and I went to Fort Alice which is located near Batang Lupar river. It was our first time being there and it seemed like only the three of us visited the fort on that afternoon. Fort Alice has been there for ages but last year. Fort Alice was renovated for good and the local authority made it as a museum kind of place so that it can attract people to come and have a visit there. We were welcomed by an officer who was quite busy with his work and asked us to take off our footwear when we went inside. So we took a tour around the Fort and we were welcomed by those boards which invited us to read the informative info about the Forts in Sarawak and some new information on Sri Aman town during our grandparents' eras which we never knew. The board portrayed some old photo in Sri Aman town.

Too bad Dino, Azreena and Kath couldn't joined us because they had their different agendas. Dino is in Kuching - working, Azreena was ill, Kath is working also. We really need a day to meet up and talking about our lives. WE NEED OUR BONDING TIME BEFORE I HEAD BACK TO KUCHING ON SEPTEMBER! Dya has a plan that we should have a BBQ at her house soon but must wait until everyone is come back to Sri Aman. I don't know if that is possible because Terence and Azreena are in Kuching on August. I don't know if they can make it. That doesn't matter though as long as we are still keep in touch.

Alright! Let me share some photos that I took in Fort Alice on last Wednesday. Terence was not in the photo because he is a shy person. LOL!

Dya and me! :D Became a tourist in our own place is a very, very great thing!

Fort Alice, Sri Aman. It is the only fort in Sri Aman. It was opened for all public since  Pesta Benak on April 2015 if I was not mistaken.

It was a rainy day but we still proceeded with our plan. There was a guy with orange shirt stood not afar from me. That's Terence! He was captured a photo or observed the Btg Lupar river. 

Supposed not to take any single photo there because the rules say so but nobody monitored us and nobody cared about it. So why not I take few photos and upload it here? 

A few sofa in the living room and at the back there is a dining table with complete set of 

cutlery. So English and classic!

I think this is a court because it looks similar like a court. 

The bookshelves. I didn't want to touch any single book there. Afraid someone might come to us and warn us not to touch anything.

That's all for now. I will come again with more exciting stories! Goodbye then!

My Fabulous February - Chinese New Year 2015

This afternoon, we (Claudia, Terrence, Aze and Kath) had finally met each other at Honeybee bakery restaurant and had our eating session there. Kath and I had our Chocolate baked bread with ice-cream as the topping, meanwhile Claudia and Terrence had ice-cream as their dessert and Aze just had her lunch so she was quite full therefore she only had her favorite drink.

We gathered together in one table and talked about our life progress so far. All of them (including me) are still study except Claudia and Kath where Claudia is part-time driver/ housemaid to her house (she is still waiting for job and at the same time waiting for the letter from the local university to continue her study in Master) and Kath is now working as a computer demonstrator at the computer centre in the town. We talked about nearly everything that happened in our life. We made fun to each other, teased and laughing like no one saw us. I will never ashamed of that for being with those crazy yet awesome friends. They are friends for life, I must say.

After we finished our foods and drinks, we journeyed to Dino's house and we didn't even informed Dino that we were going to his house for Chinese New Year visiting. We planned to make a surprise for him! As we reached his house, he was asleep because he went to his family paddy field and harvested some paddy back home at the morning. His sister, Stephanie told us he was still up stair and prepared himself to welcome us as his visitors and friends. A few minutes later, his face popped out in front of his house's huge door and greeted us and gave us a warm welcome. We shook hand and wish "Happy Chinese New Year!". Like usual, we chatted about our life again. He told us that he is now working at autism school in Kuching and still in 2 months trial. I hope as soon as the trial ends, he will get a permanent job there. Then, we were entertained by the hilarious Malay movie which aired at TV - Adenan Sempit. We just couldn't controlled our laugh until the end of the movie. We were served with many good foods and drink and thank you again for those foods, Dino! And, at last, we had a chance to capture those moment together at Dino's house! Thanks Stephanie for being the camerangirl this time. So let me introduce to you guys, THE GEDUKS GANG! Geduk means chubby in Iban but I put S at the end because we are many. Haha! I know there is no such thing in English. Hmm, whatever! Yeah, we are chubby and sexy like that!

THE GEDUKS GANG! Our freestyle action!

Thank you Dino!

They said it was our family photo.

I like this photo, that's why I'm posting it. Taken from in front of Dino's house. 

I think this post gonna sum up my February, I guess. Tomorrow I'm going out with Cheeryl, one of my best friends and high school friends. I cannot wait to develop those photos! Thank you Lord for another beautiful and meaningful day! Gong Xi!

My Fabulous February - Waterfront moment

This month is filled with laughter, venting session, best friends, and fun time. We had joy, we had fun, we had season in the sun, but the hills that we climbed were just season out of time~~ *Coughing* Hahaha I ended up singing my favourite 90's Irish boyband's song - Season in the sun. I couldn't believe I spent more of my time (every week) with Claudia. We made fully of our time by venting with each other. And I also had chance to meet Lorinna too since she was always busy with her "jobs". Like usual, she always not around during holiday/ semester break.

A few days ago, Claudia and I had took some photos of us at the Taman Panorama Benak, one of the famous place to see tidal bore in Sarawak. I brought my Sony camera along with me and I captured a lot of photos of us. I managed to develop the films and put them in my so-called friendship album which I will buy it as soon as I got my scholarship. I really love to capture those sweetest moments of us being together so that I can show to the world that this is my best friend. People nowadays always taking photos of them/ selfie and post it in social media but will they develop them? I guess, NO! I just want to show the album to my future kids and just let them see how beautiful their mum, aunts and uncles are when they are young. Opps! Hahaha *perasan* 

Therefore, I'm going to post some of the photos here.. we really had fun anyway! Cheers to that 11 years of friendship, dear friends.

Batang Lupar River

That's all for waterfront moments. Next, I'm gonna write about Chinese New Year at Dino's house. Hopefully in another time, all of our friends are able to join us here and take some photos as a memory. 

February

Hello February! I hope you will be my fabulous month. Actually it's been so long I wanted to share everything happened to me last month. It was a great month indeed although my gpa pointer dropped drastically. It was so crazy but luckily I didn't failed any subjects. Thank god for that. My parents didn't even mad at me and they didn't bother to check on my result too as my dad always did for previous semesters. Both of them believed in me. However, some of my friends failed in certain subjects and that kinda makes me sad. I hope God gives their strength to face it. Keep going on, my dear friends! Who knows, if you repeat the paper for second time, it helps you a lot to get an excellent cgpa soon! :)

And, I had done reading the How To Fall In Love by Cecelia Ahern. So, the ending was Adam actually had fallen in love with Christine long time ago during the time when they did fun things together to get Maria back to Adam. So, at last Adam dumped Maria and become a CEO of the Basil's company. It is such a great ending of the story, by the way. Since I had finished reading the book, I don't know what to do anymore. Rereading all of my novels? Hahaha if I have desire to do so. I don't know which book will I consider to be read for second time. How I wish my town has a mini Popular bookstore or maybe R.B. Ahmad bookstore should provides a lot of fiction novels in their book shelves? Last time I went there was during my form six where I bought some of the form six textbooks since I seldom go to Kuching that time. Majority of the book they provide is more to education such as exercise books, textbooks, examples of final-year question papers and some Malay novel. I remembered I also had bought one Malay novel there but I forgot the tittle. 

Now I feel so hungry but lazy to get up and get some food. I'm having sore throat right now and let's call it a day! Goodnight! Bonne nuit! Oh yeah, I got B+ for my French language.. Never expect it by the way because the final exam was quite hard especially the map. Praise to Lord for that!

Book's review

Last night I was reading a book by Cecelia Ahern - How to fall in love. It is a good book actually. This morning I woke up I thought I was watching a kind of English romance movie and tried to recall what the movie's title. As I tried so hard to get the title back in my mind, I realised that I was reading a book. So, I can safely say the book is so amazing! I just read until chapter 13. 14 chapter to go baby!

This is my own synopsis about the book:

Christine is the one who broke her husband's heart after 9 months of marriage and trying so hard to help poor Adam to stay alive by showing him life is wonderful and beautiful after an unsuccessful attempt of suicide at the bridge. Adam is the one who has a broken heart because of his cheated girlfriend, Maria and still trying to win her heart even he knows Maria is with his good friend couple of months ago. So, how is Christine going to help him anyway? Cannot wait to find out the ending! :)

It's semester break. I have done third semester this year. Had sat the final exams but I couldn't do better in final although I had studied. It was all my fault for not always revising what I learned in the class. I always take everything easier but then it is not easier than I thought. I don't know what to do anymore. My mind always recall what Dr. Razak once asked us in the class, "Ask yourself. Do you satisfied with what you have done in your work?". ALWAYS ASK YOURSELF. That's what I do nearly every day since that moment he mad at us for dot giving much commitments on our structural assignments. Now if I'm asking myself if I'm satisfied with my final exam, I would say I didn't satisfied at all. Some of my friends kept mentioning about the failure, repeating subjects, extend semester, etc - all kind of failure thoughts and words. I hate to listening to them and I don't want to be near them. I don't want to fail those killer subjects as I want to pass every semesters. I'm so down with myself.