a month of break is more than enough if compared to 3 months of break. it's because i feel like i have "no life" within these relaxing months apart from seeing my high school best friends, helping mum doing home chores (i seldom do it and mum forces me to clean the house if possible every day but i don't do it always because i need a very good mood to do it hmm), strolling around the town with my parents on every weekends (i love it because it makes me happy to be around with my parents), surfing internet which i find it's quite bored me these days, watching tv, and yes, not to forget, reading some books before going back to college and proceed with 3rd year studies (it's kinda freaks me out!)
i expect that i'd spend my every day like going for a jog every morning/ evening at kps stadium which will not happened because no one is willingly to send me there (even my friends don't really like jogging outside). i always jog outside our house and sometimes when some kids or cars pass by our house out of the blue, i will find a place to hide myself. i feel so shy when they see me workout. my dad even asked me to jog around our neighborhood but i dislike it because whenever i start to jog (even slow jog), only big boobs girls will understand that feeling. pervert guys will take advantage to stare at your boobs without even blinking their eyes for second. i detest them!
my envious grows stronger towards some friends who are able to travel outside our country. how i wish i have enough money to travel and see the another part of the world. that's why i don't like to see my fb everyday because i will come across their happy moments which contained in some pictures and i just don't feel like to clicking the "like" button but eventually i"liked" all of them (not accidentally) because i don't want my friends to feel like i didn't saw it/ i saw it but i make don't know. whatever. someday i will travel around the world like them too! they might have spent their parents' money to pay their flight ticket, i assumed! oh god, forgive me for that sinful feeling!
i'd like to climb up the hill (i prefer serapi hill as it is near to my previous college and i had climbed it once with my classmates but i managed to stop until the waterfall and not continued it because my legs were already worn out! i felt no energy to continue journeyed until the top of the hill therefore i went down the hill with some mates and back to our college. at that time i didn't feel regret for not continuing my journey just like what some of mates did. maybe i wasn't really into it. now i feel so regret for unable to witness the beauty of kuching above the top of the hill. i could only watched some photos of kuching city above the top of the hill which taken by my hiking mates in the mobile phone.) and i even confide in Claudia and Lorrina about it and it seemed like no good respond from them. maybe they don't like that too! who am i to force my best friends to like what i like so much?
within these three months i wish i have enough money in my bank account so that i could buy ingredients for my baking. i have found some interesting recipes in the internet few months ago such as homemade ice-cream, red velvet cookies, cheesecake and so on. several weeks ago, i helped mum in baking layer cakes but still i haven't feel contented because i also wanted to try out my recipes which i searched in internet.
i also wish our fridge contains a lot, a lot of healthy foods such as fruits, green vegetables, lean meats, juice or whatever foods that are healthy. i love to eat fruits but mum seldom buy them because she said fruits are so expensive nowadays and she is too busy to walk down the wet market every morning just to purchase some fruits because her works demand her to stay in the office all the time. i don't want to trouble her. i feel like doing grocery shopping most mornings but no one is going to drive me all morning to the town ( and i always wake up late). my brother always feel so lazy to drive me there so our fridge end up with no healthy fruits. moreover i don't have money to buy them.
i become "poor" after i spend hundreds of money purchasing some expensive food supplement products which introduced by my friend who is now my health coach. she said it is a good food supplement although it is expensive and can help me to lose weight (but exercise is a must thing to do every day) and so i bought it and tried out and my weight not drastically lose and sometimes i always have "cheat day" when i upset or happy and i feel it's okay to have "cheat day" a day without even realised that i always have "cheat day" in a week and then i feel so sad when gaining weight and i feel like i don't want to buy it again not because the product isn't good, it's actually a really good product as one of my friends in high school told me she consumed it for several months and religiously spend her time doing workout routine and she indeed made it and lost some pounds! in my opinion, i think to lose weight it requires determination, disciplines, commitment and target so that you can get ideal body weight. if you don't have these criteria you won''t also cannot make it. i said this because when i was in form 2, i also lost some pounds. i was a girl who once weighed 60+ kg and worked hard to gain perfect body (doing exercise daily, ate good healthy food every day and drank more than 8 glass of water every day) and at last i could do it! i lost 10+ of weight within 3 months. it was 50 kg that time then i rarely did some workout and i lose track and never get back to it and eventually now i'm almost 60+ kg again. i'm 58 kg now. i hope to lose at least 2 kg before i go back to college next september. i'm struggling to have 55 kg! if i could lose weight without consume any products so why not i must i rely on them to lose weight now?
alright. now what?
just cannot wait to be in borneo highlands soon. it will a great adventure for me this year as i seldom go traveling around my state. oh yes, it's a free travelling as mum's office has this club which every year will held a vacation for family day to go somewhere and the journey will be paid using the club's fund. last time during my diploma years i joined them to union retreat in siar, lundu. we had a very exciting moments together living across to the beach. brought back all sweet memories with us and it was really a memorable day with mum's friends. all of them are good folks! really looking forward to it.
i guess i need to stop here otherwise i'll never stop ranting about my life. let's call it a night. xx
